Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
