I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Randomize
