she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
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