Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
