using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
