You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Randomize
