i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Randomize
