he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
