I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
