and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Is her dick bigger than yours?
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
