sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
