Kiss
Puke
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
