Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
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