i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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