you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
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