I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Randomize
