You're so nebulous sometimes
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
