He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
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