I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
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