oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
