Screwed.edu
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
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