you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
