My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
