I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
