you didnt know i had herpes?
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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