p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Randomize
