only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
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