Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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