and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Randomize
