Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
