we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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