he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
