sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
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