Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Floor bacon is actually really good
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Randomize
