now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
