I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
