Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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