Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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