i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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