she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
