i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
not ubering you a puppy
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
