Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
