I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
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