My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Randomize
