You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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