you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
i now understand why vodka
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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