it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Randomize
