best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
You dont lie about slip and slides
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
