it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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