You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
