So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
