Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
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