I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
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