When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
