First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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